Attacked from Within: Gatekeeping in the Queer Community

(image source)
I’m linking a random lyric video instead of the music video because I’m not a monster.
Ahem hem hem.

You Can’t Sit With Us

You thought I was exaggerating, didn’t you.

Why This Sucks

How To Stop It

  • “cishet ace/cishet aro” (makes the argument that ace identity is secondary and “basically straight” without saying it outright)
  • “[X identity] people want to be oppressed so bad” (often used to minimize microaggressions as “not really oppression”)
  • “That was due to [other type of oppression], not [oppression you’re describing]!” (Ex. “I was sexually assaulted after I told a coworker I was ace, he said he could fix that.” “That’s awful and I’m so sorry. However, that was due to misogyny and rape culture, not aphobia, jsyk :)”)
  • “You can pass, you have no idea what it’s really like for the rest of us.” (I’ll just leave this here)
  • “[X identity] people who do/are _____ are fine, but [X identity] people who don’t/aren’t seems WEIRD to me.” (Ex. “I get being bi if you’re polyamorous, but if you want a committed, monogamous relationship, it’s going to make things difficult.” “Why would you come out as trans if you’re not dysphoric? Like, what’s even the point, then?”, and the following picture)
Qualifying, thy name is [REDACTED].
  • ”SGA (same-gender attracted)-men/women/people” (This one’s not hard and fast — some people genuinely use it to be more inclusive when talking about attraction to a specific gender, but the term also seems to be a pattern among REG’s and has its roots in Mormon homphobia)
(full source)
  • ”I just think LGBT+ nonprofit resources should go to the people who really need them.” (You’ll find this across the board, but I’ve personally heard it most often used against bi, nonbinary, and ace people, implying they are being selfish or outright criminal for needing a bed at a homeless shelter, an answer from a suicide hotline, or even a space to gather)
  • “No one’s going to kill you for being [X identity].” (Once again downplaying microaggressions and ignoring or misdirecting reasons for assault or abuse as a result of the identity)
Like this guy!
And this lady!
And don’t even get me started on this lad!



An asexual writer with lots of opinions and a half-played Steam library. Play my first game here:

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Mary Kate McAlpine

Mary Kate McAlpine


An asexual writer with lots of opinions and a half-played Steam library. Play my first game here: